Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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