Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Randomize
