So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
