I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
