I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
