I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
