im six kinds of drunk right now
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Randomize
