I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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