Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I love having hate sex.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
