he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
