i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
