The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
