she was so not down for the gang bang
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
