he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
