hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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