loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
only you would photoshop your dick
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He better not be in your backpack
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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