She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
