Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
