Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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