dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
