that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
