New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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