I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
