grandma shit on top of the toilet
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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