Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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