we have pet lesbian snakes
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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