I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
