After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
