I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
