i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
