She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
