We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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