you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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