i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
