1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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