between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
