How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
