Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
