Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
