I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
