theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
