Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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