Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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