I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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