saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize