i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
