I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
