dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
