So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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