I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize