what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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