Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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