I hope mine doesn't look like that
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
