The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
