I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
smell my finger.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Randomize
