the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Randomize
