We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
