I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
