You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize