I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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