so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
