Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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