Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I'm at about main and main street
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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