All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
