i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
