I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
