I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
