Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
