Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
