you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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