Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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