We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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