It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
barbara walters just said penis...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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