my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
she pinky promised me she was 18
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
