well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
