Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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