I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
